It's night fall. 2nd last day in which I am a stay home mom. My anxiety is growing and so is my reluctance to return to work although for the past 4 months, there hasn't been a day which passed without me worrying if I will ever get employed again.
Such irony isn't it? I guess this is after all humanity at its showing. People always want the best of both worlds and I am no exception. When something is lacking, I yearned and prayed for it. But when that yearning has turned into a reality, I fret and get depressed because of the time that will be stolen from me. Time which I have been lavishing on my children.
I am thankful that at least I have the luxury of 4months to spend with my children. It is something I will never forget. I only wished it had last longer and somehow a working arrangement where I can spend enough time and still contribute penny wise. Enough to support my aging parents, enough for my children's studies and enrichment. All the trappings of a typical singaporean mom...
God! I feel like crying as I write this. I know some moms can't wait to work and feel trapped as a stay home mom. But I feel deprived not being able to stay home and take care of my children. I mean this is something so basic but so many people in the modern world are not doing anymore...it's deem a luxury where 30-40yrs back, it's unheard of to have women working. Home will always be where my heart is.
It is my prayers that God will continue to bless me with favor from everyone I come into contact with in my new job and that He will show me another path soon where I can spend more time with my children but still earn a living.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Monday, July 30, 2007
One last indulgence for my children...
Thank God there is finally sun today after a week of gloom with all the rain where even my room's cornices has fallen apart(thank God for HIs protection)!
Making haste, I decide to take my children for a last swim being a stay home mom. I am going to just let them run around the pool, scream and shout as they desire and for once not stop them from being children. I mean, there isn't going to be that many chances before I can just whip out my towel and go to the pool whenever I like it so today I will indulge them on all their whims and fanices.
I really wish I had more time at home. Why can't money just grow on trees or fall from the skies?? Yes, I'm an idiot sometimes. Of cos money can't grow on trees or fall from skies! What am I thinking about?! HELLO!
Making haste, I decide to take my children for a last swim being a stay home mom. I am going to just let them run around the pool, scream and shout as they desire and for once not stop them from being children. I mean, there isn't going to be that many chances before I can just whip out my towel and go to the pool whenever I like it so today I will indulge them on all their whims and fanices.
I really wish I had more time at home. Why can't money just grow on trees or fall from the skies?? Yes, I'm an idiot sometimes. Of cos money can't grow on trees or fall from skies! What am I thinking about?! HELLO!
Sunday, July 29, 2007
taitai.com going going gone...
I can't believe my last weekend as housewife is finally over!!
Four months of rest at home has come to an end. Actually, it's misconception that housewives are free people. During the first month, I have never been on such tight schedules and having to multi-task so much!
Cooking, tutoring, washing, etc...I think I am like a DIY person except that I am now in charge of my own household. The faitgue is tremendous at times but no matter how tired I am, there is always a sense of fulfillment that no work can replace.
The best times are when I can let time slip by and not worry about losing time cos I will be doing exactly the same thing the following day. I can practise on a daily basis and there are no bosses hovering over me, checking on me. I am my own boss in my own household.
Of course, there is always the nagging MIL, who sometimes pop by to 'spot-check' but heck it! I am enjoying my time with my children to bother with her pettiness.
I will miss taking naps with my daughter, going to the playground with my kids, cooking, etc...bascially, just being mom to them. Not that I am not a mom when I am working, I am but it always seem to be lacking esp in time. I am always trying to catch up with time. And before I know it, my kids have grown another year and it seems to whisk by mercilessly.
I can blame my husband for not allowing me to stay home but I should be thankful enough that I have been blessed with work instead. I think I can still be a good mom. Of course, the only luxury I don't have when I work is time...
It's bittersweet, really. I prayed that I will be able to fulfill my dream of being a stay home mom or at least a half day stay home mom in the next 3-4 years. If only I can stop shopping and spending and save as much as possible. But money is never enough, isn't it?
Four months of rest at home has come to an end. Actually, it's misconception that housewives are free people. During the first month, I have never been on such tight schedules and having to multi-task so much!
Cooking, tutoring, washing, etc...I think I am like a DIY person except that I am now in charge of my own household. The faitgue is tremendous at times but no matter how tired I am, there is always a sense of fulfillment that no work can replace.
The best times are when I can let time slip by and not worry about losing time cos I will be doing exactly the same thing the following day. I can practise on a daily basis and there are no bosses hovering over me, checking on me. I am my own boss in my own household.
Of course, there is always the nagging MIL, who sometimes pop by to 'spot-check' but heck it! I am enjoying my time with my children to bother with her pettiness.
I will miss taking naps with my daughter, going to the playground with my kids, cooking, etc...bascially, just being mom to them. Not that I am not a mom when I am working, I am but it always seem to be lacking esp in time. I am always trying to catch up with time. And before I know it, my kids have grown another year and it seems to whisk by mercilessly.
I can blame my husband for not allowing me to stay home but I should be thankful enough that I have been blessed with work instead. I think I can still be a good mom. Of course, the only luxury I don't have when I work is time...
It's bittersweet, really. I prayed that I will be able to fulfill my dream of being a stay home mom or at least a half day stay home mom in the next 3-4 years. If only I can stop shopping and spending and save as much as possible. But money is never enough, isn't it?
Friday, July 27, 2007
I finally signed on my appointment letter!
This precious piece of paper whom I have been worrying and yearning about for the past few weeks has finally been signed yesterday morning.
Never have I seen such an appointment letter with so many clauses and footnotes! It's extensive.
But I must say, finally seeing it and touching it, is a feeling which cannot be explained. It's like sealing my fate for the next few months(at least) and to see my new title printed so boldly in the letter, it's unbelievable.
I will strive to do my best in my new capacity and if God is willing, perhaps my most important role in my new job is to save souls. I can't wait to start =)
PS. Of course, as the start date of my new work inches closer, I can't help but feel sad that I am leaving my children as a full time mom. It's so bitter-sweet
Never have I seen such an appointment letter with so many clauses and footnotes! It's extensive.
But I must say, finally seeing it and touching it, is a feeling which cannot be explained. It's like sealing my fate for the next few months(at least) and to see my new title printed so boldly in the letter, it's unbelievable.
I will strive to do my best in my new capacity and if God is willing, perhaps my most important role in my new job is to save souls. I can't wait to start =)
PS. Of course, as the start date of my new work inches closer, I can't help but feel sad that I am leaving my children as a full time mom. It's so bitter-sweet
God saved my children last night!
At about 2am early this morning, my husband and I heard a loud crash which came from the master bedroom. We rushed in and screamed in horror as we saw a whole piece of the cornice has landed right on top of our children's heads whom were sleeping on the floor!
We thought our children were gone. I rushed to carry Ruth while Nic checked on Samuel. I immediately asked Nic and Sam to pray. I had no idea what to ask for except that to ask God not to take away my children. Nic and I prayed in tears with me still carrying Ruth.
After our prayers, I put Ruth on the bed to check her injuries. Miraculously, Ruth is stil asleep and there are not a single bump nor scratch on herhead. Sam likewise except that the dust which resulted from the crashed cornice has caused him to cough badly. After Sam has slept again, Nic and I prayed once more and we thank God for His protetion and unfailling love. Ruth in her sleep is actually laughing. It seems like she is having a very nice dream oblivious to all the commotion which has just happened. For quite a while, both Nic and I couldn't sleep. I cried with joy while I laid in bed with Ruth. My heart filled with thanksgiving. There is nothing I can do to repay God's for His love and grace except to resolve to be a better christian and I asked God to show me how I can help to serve Him and His flock.
Till now, we are still reeling in shock and disbelief and the miracle that has just happened in our household. We prayed that we can use this incident to edify others and an opportunity for us to let our friends and family whom have yet to believe in Jesus. Howmarvelous our living God is.
All glory to His name.
We thought our children were gone. I rushed to carry Ruth while Nic checked on Samuel. I immediately asked Nic and Sam to pray. I had no idea what to ask for except that to ask God not to take away my children. Nic and I prayed in tears with me still carrying Ruth.
After our prayers, I put Ruth on the bed to check her injuries. Miraculously, Ruth is stil asleep and there are not a single bump nor scratch on herhead. Sam likewise except that the dust which resulted from the crashed cornice has caused him to cough badly. After Sam has slept again, Nic and I prayed once more and we thank God for His protetion and unfailling love. Ruth in her sleep is actually laughing. It seems like she is having a very nice dream oblivious to all the commotion which has just happened. For quite a while, both Nic and I couldn't sleep. I cried with joy while I laid in bed with Ruth. My heart filled with thanksgiving. There is nothing I can do to repay God's for His love and grace except to resolve to be a better christian and I asked God to show me how I can help to serve Him and His flock.
Till now, we are still reeling in shock and disbelief and the miracle that has just happened in our household. We prayed that we can use this incident to edify others and an opportunity for us to let our friends and family whom have yet to believe in Jesus. Howmarvelous our living God is.
All glory to His name.
Monday, July 23, 2007
In the name of love and salvation
I did something unthinkable yesterday all in the name of love and salvation...
I actually set my dad up with some of my church friends in the hope that he can listen to them regarding salvation. I don't know if this is right or not. I just know that I want him to have salvation and feel the love and grace of Jesus whom has poured His many blessing unto me and my household. And without God, I am nothing. He has provided for me. Comforted me in my distress. Protected me and blessed me.
I didn't sit thru the discussion in which one of my church brethens spoke with my dad as I was so uncomfortable with the whole thing.
However, I think, despite all my dad's protests, I have a strong feeling that the seed has already been planted.
It is my hope and prayers that as much as I want my dad to emerge from the operation with roaring success but importantly to have a everlasting life with God.
I actually set my dad up with some of my church friends in the hope that he can listen to them regarding salvation. I don't know if this is right or not. I just know that I want him to have salvation and feel the love and grace of Jesus whom has poured His many blessing unto me and my household. And without God, I am nothing. He has provided for me. Comforted me in my distress. Protected me and blessed me.
I didn't sit thru the discussion in which one of my church brethens spoke with my dad as I was so uncomfortable with the whole thing.
However, I think, despite all my dad's protests, I have a strong feeling that the seed has already been planted.
It is my hope and prayers that as much as I want my dad to emerge from the operation with roaring success but importantly to have a everlasting life with God.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
I'm so loved by Christ
I feel very loved today.
Ever since I told two of my church members about my dad's impending heart op and how I am hoping to bring him to church, I have been induanted with fellow brethrens showing their concern.
And I feel guilty cos I always think my church brethrens are a little cold towards each other. Guess it must be my fault cos I let their outward appearances fooled me. I admit we don't hug and kiss each other like some other churches practices but hey that doesn't mean we have no love.
In fact, self restraint and quiet love goes a longer way than outbursts which die down just as quickly. You don't see Christ hugging and kissing people He loved and wishes to saved, isn't it?
I learned my lesson today. And I make it my personal commitment to God and pray He show me an area in which I can serve Him and His flock.
Hallelujah!
Ever since I told two of my church members about my dad's impending heart op and how I am hoping to bring him to church, I have been induanted with fellow brethrens showing their concern.
And I feel guilty cos I always think my church brethrens are a little cold towards each other. Guess it must be my fault cos I let their outward appearances fooled me. I admit we don't hug and kiss each other like some other churches practices but hey that doesn't mean we have no love.
In fact, self restraint and quiet love goes a longer way than outbursts which die down just as quickly. You don't see Christ hugging and kissing people He loved and wishes to saved, isn't it?
I learned my lesson today. And I make it my personal commitment to God and pray He show me an area in which I can serve Him and His flock.
Hallelujah!
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Defeated and dejected
Today I felt that the devil has won cos my dad didn't turn up for church service at the last minute. I think the word dejection aptly decribes how I feel. I feel that I have lost out to the devil this time and good did not prevail.
I can't help but also wonder is it because I haven't been as steadfast in my fasting prayers as God will like me to be and I totally blame myself for it.
My fast lasted till Fri and I couldn't hold on till today and my fasting was broken. I thought this wouldn't matter but now that my dad changed his mind last minute, I am convinced that it is partly due to me.
Of course, I know God chooses His people as well and if in the end, my dad's not one of His chosen people, I can take comfort in that at least I did my part.
For the past week that I have been praying, it is my hope that my dad will be moved by the Holy Spirit when the church congregation is praying just like the way I was 15 years ago when I attended my first service in TJC Adam.
Till this day, I can still vividly recollected how the church congregation sounds like, which is like huge waves, during its concluding prayers.
The feeling was the strangest. I was feeling at once disturbed and entralled by it.
I am not giving up the fight. I will continue to pray and fast for my dad in that he will find salvation first before his 1st Aug operation.
Amen!
I can't help but also wonder is it because I haven't been as steadfast in my fasting prayers as God will like me to be and I totally blame myself for it.
My fast lasted till Fri and I couldn't hold on till today and my fasting was broken. I thought this wouldn't matter but now that my dad changed his mind last minute, I am convinced that it is partly due to me.
Of course, I know God chooses His people as well and if in the end, my dad's not one of His chosen people, I can take comfort in that at least I did my part.
For the past week that I have been praying, it is my hope that my dad will be moved by the Holy Spirit when the church congregation is praying just like the way I was 15 years ago when I attended my first service in TJC Adam.
Till this day, I can still vividly recollected how the church congregation sounds like, which is like huge waves, during its concluding prayers.
The feeling was the strangest. I was feeling at once disturbed and entralled by it.
I am not giving up the fight. I will continue to pray and fast for my dad in that he will find salvation first before his 1st Aug operation.
Amen!
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Sharing my faith during a shopping trip
I L-U-R-V-E-E-E shopping!! I am elated cos today I went SHOPPING!
But what is encouraging is that I get to share my faith in Christ Jesus with Summer, my ex colleague. Another colleague of ours recently accepted the Lord and I am so happy for her. I hastened Summer to join the fold too. But I didn't push too much cos I wanted her to embrace Christ not repulsed by me.
But what is encouraging is that I get to share my faith in Christ Jesus with Summer, my ex colleague. Another colleague of ours recently accepted the Lord and I am so happy for her. I hastened Summer to join the fold too. But I didn't push too much cos I wanted her to embrace Christ not repulsed by me.
During my ordeal last year in my previous job, I am very blessed to have a bunch of subodinates who supported and trusted in me. This allows me to learn that in tribulations, God's grace will still manage to shine through and keep me going. It is in fact, during tribulations that I count on God more, trying to be close to Him so that I can feel His comfort and hear Him at all times.
As I ponder, how many bosses can actually get along so well with their workers so much so that they can go shopping, eating together without inhibitations? I must surely have done something right for them to feel so at ease. I hope that in future with my new job and colleagues, I will be able to shine forth more light for my dear Lord Jesus.
SKIN help finally!
I think I have finally found help for my skin!! Oh thank God!
SYY clinic. What they took them so long to set up shop in the neighborhood?! I mean not only city folks suffer from skin imperfections. Temporary housewife like moi do too if not more. THank God for dermatologists and science and thank God more for asthetic physicians(that's what these skin docs call themselves nowsadays anyway, all these fancy pansy names).
Doesn't matter to me what they call themselves cos to me they are what they are and they are professional skin help unlike beauticians. I know there are some who swear by beauticians and their xx$$ products but it is exactly such beauticians whom I blamed for scarring my face.
I will never ever step foot in any such salan(God forbid) even if I have moon craters for a face(actually I'm nearing there now but no way!).
I remember the first time I finally set foot into a dermatologist office 6 years ago and I don't know why I took so long to seek professional help. The first thing the doc told me is etched in my mind forever and I couldn't agree with him more. He said(uhem and I proudly quote) "With the wonders of science, no one should ever have to suffer acne. What took you so long to seek help?"
I was totally dumb-founded and he's absolutely right. My confidence has never been the same since he prescribed the ever so miraculous drug, Roaccutane to me. I have never felt to confident with better skin and I never ever thought I will look this good in my 30s(better late than never!). This is swell!
Now that I have a job, I am gonna get some help again to try and preserve my confidence. Did I say I am gonna try lasik too!! The wonders of science indeed.
SWELL! I'm on cloud nine! 8D
SYY clinic. What they took them so long to set up shop in the neighborhood?! I mean not only city folks suffer from skin imperfections. Temporary housewife like moi do too if not more. THank God for dermatologists and science and thank God more for asthetic physicians(that's what these skin docs call themselves nowsadays anyway, all these fancy pansy names).
Doesn't matter to me what they call themselves cos to me they are what they are and they are professional skin help unlike beauticians. I know there are some who swear by beauticians and their xx$$ products but it is exactly such beauticians whom I blamed for scarring my face.
I will never ever step foot in any such salan(God forbid) even if I have moon craters for a face(actually I'm nearing there now but no way!).
I remember the first time I finally set foot into a dermatologist office 6 years ago and I don't know why I took so long to seek professional help. The first thing the doc told me is etched in my mind forever and I couldn't agree with him more. He said(uhem and I proudly quote) "With the wonders of science, no one should ever have to suffer acne. What took you so long to seek help?"
I was totally dumb-founded and he's absolutely right. My confidence has never been the same since he prescribed the ever so miraculous drug, Roaccutane to me. I have never felt to confident with better skin and I never ever thought I will look this good in my 30s(better late than never!). This is swell!
Now that I have a job, I am gonna get some help again to try and preserve my confidence. Did I say I am gonna try lasik too!! The wonders of science indeed.
SWELL! I'm on cloud nine! 8D
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
My future boss likes me! =)
I saw, I spoke and I nailed it! Oh Thank God
I am soooooooooo relieved that my future boss liked me enough to confirm hiring me. Now I don't have to worry about my dad's surgery for I know even if he has to retire permanently, I can support him.
God is graceful to sustain me and I again have lessons to learn after all this waiting. God is telling me my faith needs to grow and I need to pray more.
But now after this lesson, I know I am in a better position to encourage and admonish fellow christians should the need arise. When people tell me previously, that if God closes one door, it is only because He has something better for you, I find it hard to fully embrace it as I have never been thru a similar situation. But now I Have!!
My God is a beautiful, graceful, loving God!
I'm on cloud nine! ok gotta go break my fast now...fasting for my dad for the next two weeks. I prayed that he will receive salvation.
I am soooooooooo relieved that my future boss liked me enough to confirm hiring me. Now I don't have to worry about my dad's surgery for I know even if he has to retire permanently, I can support him.
God is graceful to sustain me and I again have lessons to learn after all this waiting. God is telling me my faith needs to grow and I need to pray more.
But now after this lesson, I know I am in a better position to encourage and admonish fellow christians should the need arise. When people tell me previously, that if God closes one door, it is only because He has something better for you, I find it hard to fully embrace it as I have never been thru a similar situation. But now I Have!!
My God is a beautiful, graceful, loving God!
I'm on cloud nine! ok gotta go break my fast now...fasting for my dad for the next two weeks. I prayed that he will receive salvation.
Monday, July 16, 2007
I am finally seeing the new CEO!
Another amazing testimony that Christ Jesus is a living God and that with faith, and through Him all things are possible.
I am finally seeing the new CEO tomorrow evening. Of course I am not sure if they will honor their hire of me but the point is that, my prayers and fasting has allowed for me to hold on and to grow my faith.
There are so many times since last week I am so tempted to either pick up the phone or write the company an email to check with them what is happening with my hire.
I have to muster up enough faith to stop myself from interferring with God's work. Like I said before, how can God do His work when His children kept wanting to do it themselves.
My husband again has exercise his faith and advises me not to think so much of how much of a chance I stand but to just leave it to God. We should delight in whatever His plans are for us no matter how ardous it may seem for now.
Thank you Jesus for hearing my prayers and for continuing to love me despite my lack of faith.
Whatever the outcome maybe tomorrow, your glory is forever.
Shalom!
I am finally seeing the new CEO tomorrow evening. Of course I am not sure if they will honor their hire of me but the point is that, my prayers and fasting has allowed for me to hold on and to grow my faith.
There are so many times since last week I am so tempted to either pick up the phone or write the company an email to check with them what is happening with my hire.
I have to muster up enough faith to stop myself from interferring with God's work. Like I said before, how can God do His work when His children kept wanting to do it themselves.
My husband again has exercise his faith and advises me not to think so much of how much of a chance I stand but to just leave it to God. We should delight in whatever His plans are for us no matter how ardous it may seem for now.
Thank you Jesus for hearing my prayers and for continuing to love me despite my lack of faith.
Whatever the outcome maybe tomorrow, your glory is forever.
Shalom!
My mom
Ok, yesterday was my brother, today is my mom's turn.
I spent a good 15 civilised minutes talking to her this afternoon about my dad's conditions. The marvellous thing is that for once in a long long time, both of us did not get into any sort of arguement or shouting match at all.
My mom is not what you will called a conventional mom. I don't want to turn this posting into a bash up session but let's just say she's not the best mom around.
I think it is because of her, I am putting in so much effort with my kids to ensure that I am not what she is. I want to give my best and all to my children and let them know that I will always love and support them no matter what happens.
I will let no hurting words form the way I parent them but instead, encouragement and support which I did not get from my mom during my growing years.
I am thankful that I have God as my master to guide me and this is something which my mom does not have.
It is my hope and prayers that she too will come to know the Lord soon.
I spent a good 15 civilised minutes talking to her this afternoon about my dad's conditions. The marvellous thing is that for once in a long long time, both of us did not get into any sort of arguement or shouting match at all.
My mom is not what you will called a conventional mom. I don't want to turn this posting into a bash up session but let's just say she's not the best mom around.
I think it is because of her, I am putting in so much effort with my kids to ensure that I am not what she is. I want to give my best and all to my children and let them know that I will always love and support them no matter what happens.
I will let no hurting words form the way I parent them but instead, encouragement and support which I did not get from my mom during my growing years.
I am thankful that I have God as my master to guide me and this is something which my mom does not have.
It is my hope and prayers that she too will come to know the Lord soon.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
My brother
I never had a good relationship with my brother and I never doubted it is due to the lack of parental guidance in our youth.
You see, I came from a troubled family where my parents were always fighting, and police visits are quite common.
I only remembered that when we were young, we always played together and I guess my brother do love me in his own way. But as we grew, starting from the teenage years where hormones wreak havoc on everything, we started to drift apart till now it has always been very awkard for us to communicate normally.
I am thankful for the wonders of technology because my brother and I finally manage to communicate like two normal people(and for once, not ending up in a big fight and screaming at each other) through instant messaging. Don't you just love technology?! I think it is great to break the ice and the awkardness because for once, you don't have to see the face of the person you are talking to and it is at the comfort of both person's home, or anyother place which you don't share.
It started off with me informing him that our dad is sick and is scheduled for an operation and I guess things jsut went on. I shared openly about my faith with him for I know he used to believe in Christ and I thanking and giving glory to God for what I am today and all that I have.
To many this sounds like nothing but to me, it is an achievement. I am getting more and more convinced as each day passes that God allows for this ailment of my dad to happen for a specific reason so that I can share my faith with my family and hopefully and prayerfully, they will all come into the Lord and receive salvation.
Glory be to God! Amen
You see, I came from a troubled family where my parents were always fighting, and police visits are quite common.
I only remembered that when we were young, we always played together and I guess my brother do love me in his own way. But as we grew, starting from the teenage years where hormones wreak havoc on everything, we started to drift apart till now it has always been very awkard for us to communicate normally.
I am thankful for the wonders of technology because my brother and I finally manage to communicate like two normal people(and for once, not ending up in a big fight and screaming at each other) through instant messaging. Don't you just love technology?! I think it is great to break the ice and the awkardness because for once, you don't have to see the face of the person you are talking to and it is at the comfort of both person's home, or anyother place which you don't share.
It started off with me informing him that our dad is sick and is scheduled for an operation and I guess things jsut went on. I shared openly about my faith with him for I know he used to believe in Christ and I thanking and giving glory to God for what I am today and all that I have.
To many this sounds like nothing but to me, it is an achievement. I am getting more and more convinced as each day passes that God allows for this ailment of my dad to happen for a specific reason so that I can share my faith with my family and hopefully and prayerfully, they will all come into the Lord and receive salvation.
Glory be to God! Amen
Rejoice always and be anxious for nothing(Phil 4)
Paul, the disciple said to rejoice no matter what situation you are in(phil 4 : 4, 11) and not to be anxious for anything but pray always and let known our requests to God so that we might have peace and understanding and be able to guard our hearts and minds through Jesus Christ(Phil 4 : 6-7).
It is hard not to be anxious for now I not only worry for my job prospect but also for my dad's impending heart operation which coincidentally is on the 1st Aug which might also be the first day of my new job.
I can't help but wonder if God has something planned in mind for me which allows for these series of incidents to happen. Perhaps the job is not meant to be since now my dad will need me to take care of him. But what about money? I am going to run out of my savings by end this year and at the current rate I am going, I am doubtful if I will ever get re-employed.
I am ashamed at my own lack of faith. God will never forsake me. He will definitely provide for me and my family. If only I can exercise my faith more and just hold on and I am sure I will be able to see His glory and what He has in store for me.
God pls be with me and comfort me and my family.
It is hard not to be anxious for now I not only worry for my job prospect but also for my dad's impending heart operation which coincidentally is on the 1st Aug which might also be the first day of my new job.
I can't help but wonder if God has something planned in mind for me which allows for these series of incidents to happen. Perhaps the job is not meant to be since now my dad will need me to take care of him. But what about money? I am going to run out of my savings by end this year and at the current rate I am going, I am doubtful if I will ever get re-employed.
I am ashamed at my own lack of faith. God will never forsake me. He will definitely provide for me and my family. If only I can exercise my faith more and just hold on and I am sure I will be able to see His glory and what He has in store for me.
God pls be with me and comfort me and my family.
bad news
My daddy is going for another op again.
His heart arteries are blocked yet again and he may need to have a pacemaker inserted. i loved my daddy but sometimes the way he treats his own body, makes me so angry!! I mean what is with the smoking, drinking and the unhealthy food when he has already gone through 2 bypass, throat cancer and is a diabetic.
He makes me worry intensely. But I am trying hard to look at the bright side of things. Perhaps God allows this so that I can finally have a chance to talk to him about salvation. For starters, he has already agreed to attend church with me and family next Sabbath. So this is very good.
I am going to fast for the whole of next week. Not only for my dad but also for my job. Last night, I was up till almost 3am worrying about whether I am going to be hired or not. I kept asking my husband the same old question till I think I am driving him nuts.
When my dad told me about his op and the money needed, I am so tempted to just pick up the phone to ask about my job offer. I have to resist so hard in order not to. Perhaps this is another test of my faith. Only when I have gone through the refining fire, I will stand up to the test and be refined as a christian for better things and for His glory to shine through.
I am thankful that at least my husband has work and we still have money to tie us over this period. But whenever something likes this strikes, the fraility of human life is so evident which brings me back to really what is important in life - which is salvation, love, family and friends.
Work is only a means of supporting ourselves and shouldn't be the end all nor shall our lives be measured based on the success of work.
God pls help me.
His heart arteries are blocked yet again and he may need to have a pacemaker inserted. i loved my daddy but sometimes the way he treats his own body, makes me so angry!! I mean what is with the smoking, drinking and the unhealthy food when he has already gone through 2 bypass, throat cancer and is a diabetic.
He makes me worry intensely. But I am trying hard to look at the bright side of things. Perhaps God allows this so that I can finally have a chance to talk to him about salvation. For starters, he has already agreed to attend church with me and family next Sabbath. So this is very good.
I am going to fast for the whole of next week. Not only for my dad but also for my job. Last night, I was up till almost 3am worrying about whether I am going to be hired or not. I kept asking my husband the same old question till I think I am driving him nuts.
When my dad told me about his op and the money needed, I am so tempted to just pick up the phone to ask about my job offer. I have to resist so hard in order not to. Perhaps this is another test of my faith. Only when I have gone through the refining fire, I will stand up to the test and be refined as a christian for better things and for His glory to shine through.
I am thankful that at least my husband has work and we still have money to tie us over this period. But whenever something likes this strikes, the fraility of human life is so evident which brings me back to really what is important in life - which is salvation, love, family and friends.
Work is only a means of supporting ourselves and shouldn't be the end all nor shall our lives be measured based on the success of work.
God pls help me.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Naked China women in swimming pool
I brought my little darling girl to the pool today as I have promised her so if the sun if up(and thank God there is a bit of a sun today after 6 days of gloom).
I don't believe my eyes when we were in the changing room about to return home when 3 Chinese national ladies of around age 30s to 40s came in to change.
Without any hesitation, I suddenly caught them changing right in front of my eyes!!!
OMG! Can you believe it?!?! It's like HELLO?! This is my country and there is a perfect reason why there are individual shower rooms in the changing rooms which is for people to CHANGE!
There was even one who was happily and proudly looking at her naked torso changing in front of the mirror.
Thank God my daughter didn't see their striptease if not, she would have shrieked NAKED women. EEWWSS!!
Are these people ever going to adopt our Singaporean habits and not infiltrate theirs into our society?!
Oh GOD. And I thought ang mos are open minded...I am flabbergasted and irked to no end.
I mean, call me conservative if you like but there is also a perfect reason why private parts are called private parts, you know. Cos they are private and not meant for public display. GOOSebumps
I don't believe my eyes when we were in the changing room about to return home when 3 Chinese national ladies of around age 30s to 40s came in to change.
Without any hesitation, I suddenly caught them changing right in front of my eyes!!!
OMG! Can you believe it?!?! It's like HELLO?! This is my country and there is a perfect reason why there are individual shower rooms in the changing rooms which is for people to CHANGE!
There was even one who was happily and proudly looking at her naked torso changing in front of the mirror.
Thank God my daughter didn't see their striptease if not, she would have shrieked NAKED women. EEWWSS!!
Are these people ever going to adopt our Singaporean habits and not infiltrate theirs into our society?!
Oh GOD. And I thought ang mos are open minded...I am flabbergasted and irked to no end.
I mean, call me conservative if you like but there is also a perfect reason why private parts are called private parts, you know. Cos they are private and not meant for public display. GOOSebumps
the weekend is approaching and two more weeks of domesticity
The weekend is approaching. Funny how your views shift when you are working vs when you are not. I used to adored weekends and look forward when Fri is around the corner. Now that I am a stay home mom, the weekends to me are like any ordinary days except that I get to see more of my kids.
Today I attended my ex client's Barang Barang new outlet opening at the Central today. Very nice! Quite a refreshing change from their previous stalls. This new outlet is so much brighter and makes the whole shopping and browsing experience a delight vs their other outlets which are very dark...I mean yellow lighting are always flattering but they seems to have taken it a little bit too literally. Sometimes I feel like I am shopping in the dark in their outlets but their Central new outlet is great so they should adopt the same concept throughout.
And guess what? My husband must have taken a BIG liking to their concept cos he saw, he liked and he wanna buy. And this is BIG news for someone like my husband who's known to be tight with his money. But since my appointment letter is yet to come, I advised him to hold on first(and for once, I am the frugal one. Quite a refreshing change, isn't it but I guess not for long cos this will last as long as my bank account is stagnant :P)
Today I attended my ex client's Barang Barang new outlet opening at the Central today. Very nice! Quite a refreshing change from their previous stalls. This new outlet is so much brighter and makes the whole shopping and browsing experience a delight vs their other outlets which are very dark...I mean yellow lighting are always flattering but they seems to have taken it a little bit too literally. Sometimes I feel like I am shopping in the dark in their outlets but their Central new outlet is great so they should adopt the same concept throughout.
And guess what? My husband must have taken a BIG liking to their concept cos he saw, he liked and he wanna buy. And this is BIG news for someone like my husband who's known to be tight with his money. But since my appointment letter is yet to come, I advised him to hold on first(and for once, I am the frugal one. Quite a refreshing change, isn't it but I guess not for long cos this will last as long as my bank account is stagnant :P)
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Why is my appointment letter still not ready?
I'm worried. Really worried. Still no call from the company on when I can pick up my appointment letter. I really fear they will change their mind. God help me.
It's like this nagging pain that just will not go away no matter how hard I tried. I am using all of my will power not to pick up the phone and call them. I really want to exercise my faith. How can God do His work if I kept interrupting Him and disbelieving in Him.
My husband consoled me and tells me again not to worry. It is very likely they are taking their time to prepare the letter since I have verbally given them my word I have accepted their job offer. I wish to believe in him that this is exactly what is happening. I mean, how can a company turn their back on an offer for such a senior position? But somehow, I just can't help but worry. Oh me of such little faith. I am utterly ashamed of myself.
I will need to pray more. I hope my fasting which is starting tonight will help.
God help me.
It's like this nagging pain that just will not go away no matter how hard I tried. I am using all of my will power not to pick up the phone and call them. I really want to exercise my faith. How can God do His work if I kept interrupting Him and disbelieving in Him.
My husband consoled me and tells me again not to worry. It is very likely they are taking their time to prepare the letter since I have verbally given them my word I have accepted their job offer. I wish to believe in him that this is exactly what is happening. I mean, how can a company turn their back on an offer for such a senior position? But somehow, I just can't help but worry. Oh me of such little faith. I am utterly ashamed of myself.
I will need to pray more. I hope my fasting which is starting tonight will help.
God help me.
my mod hairstyle doesn't look so MOD :(
As the title of my entry states, I just returned from my hairdresser and the sad thing is that my mod hairstyle which I have visualized doesn't look that mod at all.
It's too spiky and the truth is that I don't have a supermodel face that lets carries the hairstyle. For once, I think my hairdresser has failed me. And I feel the pinch of money spent cos afterall, i am not working...
Lesson learnt is that i must bring a picture everytime I want to attempt a new hairstyle. I guess the same goes for everyone...
It's too spiky and the truth is that I don't have a supermodel face that lets carries the hairstyle. For once, I think my hairdresser has failed me. And I feel the pinch of money spent cos afterall, i am not working...
Lesson learnt is that i must bring a picture everytime I want to attempt a new hairstyle. I guess the same goes for everyone...
fear keeping my distance away from my heavenly father
I am still having the knawing feeling that I have yet to receive my appt letter.
I know I should have faith in God but my human fraility is causing me sleepless nights. The worst part is that I kept asking my husband the what if I have no job scenario.
Thank God he has more faith than me and he always assures me not to worry. At worst, he will have to support me and family. But just the thought of it makes me feel extremely bad. Raising two kid in singapore and on top of that, both pair of parents is soooo tough in Singapore.
I am thinking of another fasting prayer to get me through this. I need to feel more of God's presence, mediatate on His words. Last night, I prayed for many of GOd's blessings of me in my new job. Clients' favor, my new boss and colleagues favor, be a blessing to them, be able to come home on time and most importantly, never cease to worship God and forget Him in the midst of my busyness. I have to keep reminding myself my job is only a means of financially supporting myself and is to be used as a tool to help the church. Which brings me to my vow of pledging 50% of my first month salary to the church. What I have are blessed by God, without Him, I am nothing.
I will now go pray for God to take away my fear of not having the job confirm. If it is so, then surely God has something better in store for me.
All glory be to God.
I know I should have faith in God but my human fraility is causing me sleepless nights. The worst part is that I kept asking my husband the what if I have no job scenario.
Thank God he has more faith than me and he always assures me not to worry. At worst, he will have to support me and family. But just the thought of it makes me feel extremely bad. Raising two kid in singapore and on top of that, both pair of parents is soooo tough in Singapore.
I am thinking of another fasting prayer to get me through this. I need to feel more of God's presence, mediatate on His words. Last night, I prayed for many of GOd's blessings of me in my new job. Clients' favor, my new boss and colleagues favor, be a blessing to them, be able to come home on time and most importantly, never cease to worship God and forget Him in the midst of my busyness. I have to keep reminding myself my job is only a means of financially supporting myself and is to be used as a tool to help the church. Which brings me to my vow of pledging 50% of my first month salary to the church. What I have are blessed by God, without Him, I am nothing.
I will now go pray for God to take away my fear of not having the job confirm. If it is so, then surely God has something better in store for me.
All glory be to God.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Paktor-ing all over again
Lovely weather today! Perfect for walks with your loved ones and that was precisely what I did with my husband before iIstart work in Aug.
We started the day after we dropped our little girl at school and we took a bus to the east side - bus no 32. We weren't sure exactly where we are heading to but we wanted to find a nice old feel coffee shop to have our morning cuppa.
As the bus meanders along tg katong road, we thought it is the right place to alight so we did. We saw some really lovely houses and we started on our favorite past time, ie, speaking as if we own one of the houses. I told my husband our hobby got to stop because it is a sin to covet....but we really wish we have enough money to live in a landed property in Singapore, which of course means that you got to be at least a millionaire. Then I started wondering if I will be able to make my first millions if I save half of my salary every month with my new job and using those money to invest. Is it achievable in 5 yrs time? Only GOd knows. My hubby then digged at me saying that all I will invest in will be Fendi and Coach bags...hahahahah...I guess he's right in a way(yup, that's how bad my coveteousness is).
We walked from tg katong road to marine parade and back to joo jiat. I think we covered at least 4kms and my feet are absolutely sore from all that walking! I better lose some weight but come to think of it, I don't think I will lose any weight judging from the way I eat. Just last nite I washed down two hump chin bang just before i went to bed while watching Ian Wright on DTL in Bolivia...and at a ripe old age of 36, I should be thankful that I am not jibbling my spare bits. hahaha
As i reflect on the time spent with my husband today, I think I am really going to miss my domestic bliss. I don't even know if I can pick up speed and battle the battles when I start work. just the thought of meetings, budgets, plans are enough to give the jitters even though I have been doing this for the past 10+ years. God pls be with me.
We started the day after we dropped our little girl at school and we took a bus to the east side - bus no 32. We weren't sure exactly where we are heading to but we wanted to find a nice old feel coffee shop to have our morning cuppa.
As the bus meanders along tg katong road, we thought it is the right place to alight so we did. We saw some really lovely houses and we started on our favorite past time, ie, speaking as if we own one of the houses. I told my husband our hobby got to stop because it is a sin to covet....but we really wish we have enough money to live in a landed property in Singapore, which of course means that you got to be at least a millionaire. Then I started wondering if I will be able to make my first millions if I save half of my salary every month with my new job and using those money to invest. Is it achievable in 5 yrs time? Only GOd knows. My hubby then digged at me saying that all I will invest in will be Fendi and Coach bags...hahahahah...I guess he's right in a way(yup, that's how bad my coveteousness is).
We walked from tg katong road to marine parade and back to joo jiat. I think we covered at least 4kms and my feet are absolutely sore from all that walking! I better lose some weight but come to think of it, I don't think I will lose any weight judging from the way I eat. Just last nite I washed down two hump chin bang just before i went to bed while watching Ian Wright on DTL in Bolivia...and at a ripe old age of 36, I should be thankful that I am not jibbling my spare bits. hahaha
As i reflect on the time spent with my husband today, I think I am really going to miss my domestic bliss. I don't even know if I can pick up speed and battle the battles when I start work. just the thought of meetings, budgets, plans are enough to give the jitters even though I have been doing this for the past 10+ years. God pls be with me.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
got a job
THank God the job is still available. THank GOD!! :)
I'll most probably be starting work in another 3.5 weeks. Oh gosh! I am going to miss my children alot after being a stay home mom for close to half a year. I got back my culinary skills and improved(thanks to the guinea pigs at home ;P).
All these domestic bliss I am going to leave behind in another 3 weeks time. Oh dear! I just pray that my little girl will not take it too badly otherwise it will really be tough for me to concentrate on my new job which I think is going to be my toughest to date cos I will be managing an entire local office.
THis is a dream and I have been desiring for it since 4 years ago. But i thank God too that only now i am given the opportunity because as I reflect, I dont think I am ready nor experienced enough to take on such a huge hat yyrs back.
After the tumulous experience last year, driven to near madness by my ex boss and thriving despite adversity(all thanks Be to God!), I think God has put me thru HIs special 'refinery' and I am finally now more ready to maange a company.
MD at age 36. WOW. I think my parents will be proud of me especially my dear daddy, speaking of which, i should spend them a nice meal. It is my prayer that he too may know the Lord and receive salvation.
I shall part half of my first month salary to GOd. Without HIm nothing is possible. WIth GOd all things are made possible. I just pray that I will be a blessing to the people in my new work place and glorify His name.
All glory be to GOd.
I'll most probably be starting work in another 3.5 weeks. Oh gosh! I am going to miss my children alot after being a stay home mom for close to half a year. I got back my culinary skills and improved(thanks to the guinea pigs at home ;P).
All these domestic bliss I am going to leave behind in another 3 weeks time. Oh dear! I just pray that my little girl will not take it too badly otherwise it will really be tough for me to concentrate on my new job which I think is going to be my toughest to date cos I will be managing an entire local office.
THis is a dream and I have been desiring for it since 4 years ago. But i thank God too that only now i am given the opportunity because as I reflect, I dont think I am ready nor experienced enough to take on such a huge hat yyrs back.
After the tumulous experience last year, driven to near madness by my ex boss and thriving despite adversity(all thanks Be to God!), I think God has put me thru HIs special 'refinery' and I am finally now more ready to maange a company.
MD at age 36. WOW. I think my parents will be proud of me especially my dear daddy, speaking of which, i should spend them a nice meal. It is my prayer that he too may know the Lord and receive salvation.
I shall part half of my first month salary to GOd. Without HIm nothing is possible. WIth GOd all things are made possible. I just pray that I will be a blessing to the people in my new work place and glorify His name.
All glory be to GOd.
my fasting prayer has helped me
i started my fasting prayer and have ended it during lunch time.
i feel more accomplished and closer to God, in Him giving me a clear indication of where i should be moving to.
in fact, as i am writing now, i feel more and more convicted of my decision. one option while seem to have given me the peace at the start is paved with many obstacles. while the other has already given me an offer from the start and is only delayed due to my greed of more pay.
i think the answer couldnt be clearer from God and I thank Him for holding so steadfastly to me, a wayward christian who is so undeserving of His love and grace.
as i write now, i am going to pick up the phone and confirmed my acceptance of the job offer. God be with me.
amen!
i feel more accomplished and closer to God, in Him giving me a clear indication of where i should be moving to.
in fact, as i am writing now, i feel more and more convicted of my decision. one option while seem to have given me the peace at the start is paved with many obstacles. while the other has already given me an offer from the start and is only delayed due to my greed of more pay.
i think the answer couldnt be clearer from God and I thank Him for holding so steadfastly to me, a wayward christian who is so undeserving of His love and grace.
as i write now, i am going to pick up the phone and confirmed my acceptance of the job offer. God be with me.
amen!
blogging is fun even to an old woman like me!
i can't believe i am lagging soooooo far behind in technology and to think that i own the latest Samsung 1600 messaging pda phone!
everyone were talking about blogging like a million years ago and i only started to get my act together today! oh well, better late than never.
for all i know, this is the start of demolishing the generation gap between me and my children not that i have anything to worry about for now since they are only 9 and 4 yrs old respectively.
but i must say this again. blogging is fun!! it keeps me occupied when i have time to kill on my hands and now, i admit i have like tons of time on my hands since becoming the Director of Household aka housewife.
i am even sacrificing my precious sleep just to get a kick out of writing my thoughts and I am a sane 36 yr old mother of two!! let's see how long my passion can last or how long my state of inertia will last till i get a new job. speaking of which, i have just posted a blog on my dilema of my two job options.
but i must say i am feeling much better now that i have started my fast.
dont laugh for those of you who are non christians. to me, this is sacred. Yes. i pray and fast when i need something from God, to put it bluntly. but this is also an avenue for me to get closer to God, Jesus fasted. so did the disciples.
oh well. my hubby just made some 'whoa lau' comments about me writing my blog. guess it's time to sleep now. until tomorrow.
shalom everyone!
everyone were talking about blogging like a million years ago and i only started to get my act together today! oh well, better late than never.
for all i know, this is the start of demolishing the generation gap between me and my children not that i have anything to worry about for now since they are only 9 and 4 yrs old respectively.
but i must say this again. blogging is fun!! it keeps me occupied when i have time to kill on my hands and now, i admit i have like tons of time on my hands since becoming the Director of Household aka housewife.
i am even sacrificing my precious sleep just to get a kick out of writing my thoughts and I am a sane 36 yr old mother of two!! let's see how long my passion can last or how long my state of inertia will last till i get a new job. speaking of which, i have just posted a blog on my dilema of my two job options.
but i must say i am feeling much better now that i have started my fast.
dont laugh for those of you who are non christians. to me, this is sacred. Yes. i pray and fast when i need something from God, to put it bluntly. but this is also an avenue for me to get closer to God, Jesus fasted. so did the disciples.
oh well. my hubby just made some 'whoa lau' comments about me writing my blog. guess it's time to sleep now. until tomorrow.
shalom everyone!
Monday, July 9, 2007
DILEMA over job options
I am in a difficult dileman as I have been posed with two job opportunities which seems to have the same amount of pros and cons.
For me, my decision is simple - to do God's will. And I always pray that wherever I go, I can be a blessing to people and bring them to God's path of salvation.
I am blessed as it is with a supportive husband and two lovely children but I always seem to be stucked in a rut over my job. Last year was the relentless persecution of my ex boss and now, the right decision to make.
I can't help it but find it hard to make decisions for my work life because I can't find bible verses that will help me make work based decisions. I firmly believe and advocates that one's actions and conduct helps to preach about Jesus Christ. But yet, whenever I am faced with a major decision, I can't find one defining verse to convict me in my next course of actions.
Right now, I feel so shallow as I agonises over my decisions. It is precisely because it has nothing to do with salvation that I feel I am thinking too much and perhaps, this is really too small an area for me to be considering so long for. I mean, this does not concerns anyone's soul and it is not even about preaching to other people nor doing the work of God.
But i do want God in every aspect of my life so is this wrong?
I am rambling and not making sense so I guess I will stop now...
For me, my decision is simple - to do God's will. And I always pray that wherever I go, I can be a blessing to people and bring them to God's path of salvation.
I am blessed as it is with a supportive husband and two lovely children but I always seem to be stucked in a rut over my job. Last year was the relentless persecution of my ex boss and now, the right decision to make.
I can't help it but find it hard to make decisions for my work life because I can't find bible verses that will help me make work based decisions. I firmly believe and advocates that one's actions and conduct helps to preach about Jesus Christ. But yet, whenever I am faced with a major decision, I can't find one defining verse to convict me in my next course of actions.
Right now, I feel so shallow as I agonises over my decisions. It is precisely because it has nothing to do with salvation that I feel I am thinking too much and perhaps, this is really too small an area for me to be considering so long for. I mean, this does not concerns anyone's soul and it is not even about preaching to other people nor doing the work of God.
But i do want God in every aspect of my life so is this wrong?
I am rambling and not making sense so I guess I will stop now...
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